Must admit. I had a hard time writing what I really want to say and or that I really think after having a dear reader use my most sacred against me in a rather hurtful way. Getting email notifications of who is coming in to visit were surprisingly revealing. I know that there are some readers that completely disapprove my writing/thinking/living and they are the ones that visit more then once daily. Never living a comment. Never making themselves known. I always had this general understanding that those that disapprove , come to your blog/magazine/article every now and then, read it and then , being full of emotion, spill it all out in the comment or email box. The "fumes" kind of. It appears, however, that there is a complete opposite, daily searchings ( more then once, actually.) And since I haven't really posted anything new, my "stalkers" have been re-reading the old posts, that for a fact - as they have let me know - they disapprove. I want to hope that it is because they are re-thinking their original opinion , and completely changing their view, and loving every word I said. Realistically... I understand that it is just a search for "more oil" to add to already existing fire. I have never thought that what I hoped to be an inspiration would be used against my own self. Every time I put my hands on the keybord - as they would say in the olden times - dip my quill in the ink - I , now , pause... think... and most of the time change my mind, and proceed to write about fashion, about world , or some other safe subject. Somehow the pages that had a beautiful serving of inspiration, and the purpose of such inspired ME to be open, in one moment became ... a turn off. For me. Feels ike a surfer trying to catch a wave with the sharks circling around him waiting for a slip off.
And at the same time I realize that there is no such thing as always loved . I understand that there is no such thing as pleasing everyone. And , now, after thinking, I am proud and happy that there ARE those that disapprove. Because it means that there is a meaning in what I say. It would be so boring to be so sweet all the time and please everyone. Greatest people in the history were supported by some and disapproved by others. I realized that if someone has SOMETHING to say as a reaction to my writing , then they must have thought about it. A fact that they continuously come back and search, mean that they LOVE it even if they say that they HATE it. And THAT of itself is a SUCCESS. And inspiration.
I never realized how much power the words have over me. Both , positive and negative. Words can kill and they can heal. And that is why I am writing.