Urban Crusing

To do or not to do? Sex ed and what comes with it.

sexlivingnotes7 Comments

I've been wanting  to write about this particular issue for a while.

I am sure that the topic of UT trying to ban sex-ed from public schools has reached you in one way or the other. It seems that all sorts of social media and internet are flooded with it. I am glad that as of Friday , March 16th, Utah Gov. Gary Herbert "vetoed a controversial bill banning public schools from teaching contraception as a way of preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases." { source}

With that being said,  watching the inner "brew" as people were discussing the bill ( that passed mind you) was very interesting. Most of them were against it, and for a good reason , in my opinion.
One of my readers, Bonnie from Life of Bon, wrote a great post on this issue, which prompted me to share with you today.

Here is a short little summary of the original issue :

" House Bill 363 sponsor Rep. Bill Wright is pushing a bill for abstinence-only education throughout the state.  In the bill, Wright states that "discussing birth control and homosexuality promotes promiscuity among teens and advocates the use of drugs." He believes this legislation is needed to protect "the innocence of students". His original bill bans any "discussion of sexuality except abstinence and fidelity in marriage." His only alternative is "not teaching sex education at all.


And as if that is not enough , here is more :

"Wright says teaching sexuality isn’t a priority in education. “It is not like all our students are going to die if they don’t learn promiscuous behavior." "


Please, note - IS NOT A PRIORITY.

But what I found more interesting was the the response from UT population. While tens of thousands have  objected and petitioned against it , there were just as many that saw it as "necessary", "chistlike", etc. Just google the topic and then read the commentary after any article, you'll see what I mean.

This issue gave me a lot to think about , and created lots of conversations with my husband. My view on this , of course, is siting with those that are pro-education. I see nothing bad, immoral, provoking or disturbing in the fact that my children will receive some sort of instruction in regards to sex. I see sex  being just as  natural, important, necessary, healthy (and it exists, you know)  and see sex ed as nothing different then biology, math, literature , etc.  It was very odd however , to say the least, see people supporting this absurd bill and using reasons like "this is sacred, it must be talked about at home", " it provokes immoral behavior", "it's christlike" "why create unhealthy interest?", etc. ( just google it)

I knew that some of UT mentality was odd, but THIS odd? Abstinence-only teaching ( with a job at stake if something else said )  and ignorance is not going to create a bunch of christlike teenagers - odd way of "saintification", no  (especially , when abortion IS legal) ?  What is does create , though ( apart from a bee-line to a forbidden fruit) is twisted mentality. And here is why.

Those that are going to talk to their teens about sex at home are not opposed to sex ed as well . If the way the course is taught is not suitable to a family, parents have the right to opt out . But they are open to it. It makes me wonder, however , how much those that are on a " provokes immoral behaviour" team  are going to expose their children to talks about sex "within safety of their homes"? My guess is - zero. They are going to install in their children's brains that it is "so sacred, it is unsacred to talk about it". " You'll figure it out" is a commonly used method of teaching as well as an acceptable mentality - I speak from experience.

I am not saying that sex is not sacred. I believe it is . I see it - and always have - as the only way to express deep love. I was not raised mormon or even religious then - I grew up in an atheist country. My mother answered my "where do babies come from " when I was 8 and she was very pregnant with my sister. Too early? Maybe, or maybe not.

She did not go into intricate details of "how", but she did pull a library book on childhood sex education, and did just that in the form that was very acceptable in my little 8 y/o mind. We red the book together, and she answered the questions alone the way. Openly, calmly and matter-of-factly.

It did not pose any immoral ideas in my head, nor did I run to try it out. But when my friends and peers couple of years later started to giggle, peak in opposite sex bathrooms, and whisper into each other ears, I felt so much more mature - and I was actually, thanks to my mom. I knew that they were going to "grow out" of that stage, and I knew that giggling is going to come to those that weren't properly educated - that's what I learned from that book we read together. I didn't need to go through that stage.

More so, I felt so confident in my mother ( as exactly what she said - happened) , that it created a connection that lasts forever. We had long talks about all things puberty and sex related, never embarrassed, never shy. There isn't anything I wouldn't ask my mother about even now.

I learned that sex was very natural and very desirable object. I also learned that unless absolutely physically mature, it will NOT be pleasurable. For girls, that is at the very least until 18. ( smart , don't you think?) And then I learned - and engraved permanently - that unless psychologically and emotionally ready, sex will not be what it is meant to be (and why would I want that , right? ). Only with feelings of deep love that come with desire for marriage the emotional basis come to full maturity. I was not taught that the only way to have sex is after marriage. But I was taught that only two people that are ready to marry each other ( or engaged - as it is called in US ) should have a sexual relationship. It's too valuable to use it any other way. That - subconsciously - engraved permanently. As I grew older, "after married" became so desirable in my mind ( and supported by my mother) , there were no questions I was going to wait. I was happy that I met and married the man with the same values.

However.


He did not have such open and clear conversations about sex. As a matter of fact, he had ZERO. His sex ed - he tells me - came from UT school ( where he lived for few short years) and even at THAT time it enclosed a brief anatomy lesson, and "just don't do it, talk to your parents" concept. Well... his parents weren't that keen on the idea. They left it to "it's not something we talk about" and "you'll figure it out" part.  I will just say this - if I were not educated as well I was, we'd be in deep trouble. And even then - we had more bumps then there should have been.

UT has the highest rate of antidepressant usage as well as one of the highest rates of divorce. One of the major divorce causes is ... sex. Or lack of one. In my situation , it was a man that was not educated , and thanks heaven for that. Male biology of itself pushed through any psychological barriers that might have been created by "it is too sacred to talk about" concept. But what if in his place was a girl? I can easily see how those "too embarrassed to think about it" ladies are created - I've met a bunch. They are perfectly suited for monastic life, but they want children... I've met many that find anything that implies sex in conversation, thought or otherwise , to be sinful and , as such, avoid it at any time. Now - how would that translate in a marriage?

It's no wonder , that UT has some of the highest rates of abuse, because those types of girls also become mothers, and then go a step or two above and become absolutely absurd about even their own bodies. Ever heard a conversation in the bathroom like " please, put your underwear on quicker, it's very bad for someone to see your bum" and and then see that mom come out with a toddler GIRL out of the stall. I have.

I can't help but wonder, HOW that little child's mind will develop? Because, "nobody wants to see your bum" is said by HER MOTHER . Really?! What I want to know - DO THEY BATHE their children?! Or seen those moms that create tents around them while breastfeeding IN the woman's lounge? While killing you with the looks that YOU ( also a breastfeeding woman) dare to allow your boob to be visible while IN THE WOMEN'S lounge, people! I am not even going to touch on the subject of how if you dare to feed in public UNcovered , because the phrases " we don't want our husbands to get AROUSED BY LOOKING at you feeding the baby" will flood the conversation thread. Seriously? Are those husbands THAT sex deprived that they seek any opportunity for something they do not get from their own wives ( but are completely entitled to)?  And then there is a fact that pornography is thriving around these parts, etc, etc. Now could that be connected to the mentality that of Bill Wright , who "says teaching sexuality isn’t a priority in education. “It is not like all our students are going to die if they don’t learn promiscuous behavior.""?  I think yes.





I also think that instead of working on forbidding something that is natural, necessary and unavoidable, it would be much wiser put the efforts into creating programs that would boost high moral values and are not church related . So that anywhere, where the child goes , from young age they are surrounded by good, not forbidden.

Having adults being comfortable with their own bodies and sexuality would also help and save so many marriages and get those women off antidepressants  ( and their doctors who prescribed it , probably, too...) 


Now , go ahead and tell me your thoughts on this. Anonymously, if that makes you more comfortable.